I'm absolutely devastated!

I took Grace over to Halifax this morning for a scan and lameness work up on the suspensory ligament injury which was diagnosed in November. It was an acute injury, therefore we underwent four sessions of the shock wave therapy and injections into the ligament itself. I took her back five weeks ago and there was a good improvement from the first scan, and I was told I could start walking her under saddle, increasing this time up to 60 minutes before returning for the next scan...

Which brings me to today... Firstly, the specialist asked me to trot her up! No easy task when it is windy and she has not been trotted for months!!! Anyway, off we went, and after some serious bucks and squeeling I got her trotting up for him. She looked pretty sound on the straight, so we took her into the school (after a little shot of ACP) and she was lunged. Immediately I could see she was not quite sound Peter agreed and said that she had improved because originally she had been 3/10 lame on a circle and now she is 1/10. But he wanted to scan it anyway... I watched the scans and could again see a good improvement to the shape of the ligament and the fibre patterns. There were some areas where the patterns were not perfect, but again, an improvement!

As Grace was coming around Peter went through what he could see from the scans. He said she was not as far a long as we would have hoped at this stage, but all horses heal differently. However, he did say that the ligament was still more enlarged than the right one and this could just be the way it would heal... He told me that she could start going out in the field, and then I was to begin introducing small amounts of trot for the next six weeks. If she was still unsound after this time, then we would have to talk about the denerving operation... So, that is how we left it!I loaded Grace (again, she loaded perfectly) and set off for home. However, my brain started whizzing around and I was more upset than I realised. I was devastated that she had not improved much since the previous scan even though I have been really sticking to the plan, and realised that this waiting game is really affecting not just my sanity but also my whole outlook on life!

We pulled into the first services and Peter had very kindly given me his mobile number should I need it... and this was one of those situations! I phoned him and just voiced my concerns. We are getting to the edge of the insurance limit with this one, and 6 more weeks is effectively two more months of waiting and costs (ie. more scans at that point). I told him that I had been thinking about having the operation done now as opposed to six weeks time and he said he thought this was a very wise decision! She may never come sound if we carry on this waiting game, as the ligament is not reducing in size as hoped... and the more I think about it the more I am wondering whether this injury was perhaps not as acute as we seemed to think! So, she is booked in for 20th March (my birthday).

Please everyone keep everything crossed for her that day... to say I am devastated is an understatement. I just cannot stop the tears now the decision has been made, but I cannot bare to think that I will never ride this gorgeous girl again. At least if she has the operation, we have more of a chance of returning to where I always dreamed she would be!